I've been sick for a few days now. Started with fever, then a sore throat. While that remains, a really bad cough due to a ticklish throat has also developed. Nights are bad, as the moment my head hits the pillow, I'll start coughing. And it goes on and on throughout the night. Needless to say, I'm tired out. I haven't been this sick for a long while, and I hate it.
But it's worse now that I'm a mommy. I no longer have the luxury of getting a good rest, because I have to look after Kenan. On top of that, I need to be extra careful so as not to pass any bug to him. So since the cough started, I've been wearing a mask. Even then, I couldn't really play with him because talking irritates my throat and brings on the cough. All these seem to have an impact on him, as I started noticing that he has hardly smiled at me today. I guess it's because he couldn't see my smiles and thus didn't respond accordingly. But what made me sad was that he had found a new playmate in the helper and was so generous to her with his smiles! I felt really jealous and upset.
Making it worse is that I really miss being close to him. I miss raining kisses all over his cute litte face; I miss smelling his 'babyness' after his bath; I miss 'biting' his fingers and making him laugh; I miss planting kisses on his stomach and hear him giggle....
Ironically, I've always wanted to get away from Kenan and have more personal time. But now, I realise just how attached I've grown to him that I can even be jealous if he smiles just a bit more at the helper. I can't wait to be well again and hope my son won't forget how I look like by then!
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