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Since the arrival of our boy, I felt the romance slowly fizzling out from my marriage and thought we might end up a couple destined to a ‘passion-less’ relationship.
I blamed this state on the lack of sleep and time, which put me in a constantly tired mode, and made me more impatient and irritable (how sexy or attractive can such a woman be?)
The new role of being a mom also meant that my priorities have shifted and I’m more focused on coping with the challenges of mommyhood than say, planning a romantic date with the hubby. To be honest too, between a date and some ‘me time’, I’d go for the latter. As I get inundated with endless caregiving tasks every single day, I felt as if I’m losing myself. Having some ‘me time’ allows me to get in touch with who I am and find my balance again.
The poor hubby was also at the receiving end as I complained, perhaps more often than before our boy arrived, about his lack of sweet gestures, despite knowing that he’s not the romantic type. In my crabby state, I had looked to him for some pampering and little surprises to perk me up, and when I found none, I got upset. But I had forgotten that like me, he’s probably stretched and tired too.
But something happened during this long weekend that got us out of the ‘romance rut’ and brought some sparks back to our marriage. It also gave me some insights into romance after a baby.
Couple time
It’s all thanks to our little boy, though may I say, for a not so good reason. Our boy has been having a cough for over two months. During the most recent visit to the clinic, the paediatrician advised us to continue keeping the little one away from crowded places, just in case he catches another virus.
So over the recent long weekend, we decided to keep him at home with the helper for a few hours every day while we go out and spend time together.
Initially, I felt really guilty about leaving him at home, especially when he stood crying at the gate. But soon, he got used to the ‘routine’ and didn’t cry anymore. I also accepted the fact that it’s not a sin leaving him at home and we were doing it for the sake of his health.
So I began to relax and started to enjoy myself.
We didn’t plan anything special but depended on spontaneity of the moment to decide on where to go or what to do. In between running some errands, we enjoyed nice meals, afternoon teas and did some shopping.
It began to feel like our courtship days. I really appreciated this precious time to just be with my husband. It’ fine that we were not on an overseas holiday, it’s the time together, sharing about our work, talking about the future and doing things together, enjoying lots of laughter that matter.
Lessons I learnt
1. Redefine romance
I learn that with when the kids arrive, romance will take on a different meaning. It’s no longer about roses, candlelight dinners or spur-of-the-moment getaway trips.
Instead, it’s about the practical ways to show our care for each other. Husbands, this means thinking about how you can lend a hand with the house chores or offering to take over the childcare for half a day or more, so that your wife can have some time doing things she enjoys or catching up with friends. Wives, show lots of appreciation whenever your husband helps out with the house work or in taking care of the little ones. Likewise, give your husband some personal time and once he’s reenergized, he will come back more ready to lend a hand at home.
2. Put the marriage as top priority
Remember, you’re first man and wife before you’re daddy and mommy. And children will only thrive in a family where the couple enjoys a strong, fulfilling marriage.
3. Schedule time for each other and for yourselves
One surefire way to keep the fire in a marriage is first to be happy as individuals – that’s why it’s important to have some time for yourself. Then when you spend time together, you’re are bond to have more fun. Don’t let other unimportant commitments eat into your time for yourself and for each other. It’s not smart trying to play superwoman (or superman) – the truth is, something’s going to give when you try to do it all. Make sure you are sacrificing the right stuff.
So how do you keep the romance going in your marriage? What special things do you do for each other? I would love to learn some great ideas from you!
