It's Another Day

Today’s one of those days where I feel really down, exhausted and vexed all at the same time.

The weekend was another whirlwind of activities as we try to complete a list of ‘to-dos’ which we couldn’t attend to during the weekdays. It always leaves me feeling drained on a Monday and makes me vow to slow things down during weekends, but I know full well that things will be the same again when the weekend arrives. Because with my husband’s gruelling hours – if he comes home by 9pm, it’s considered early - many things just have to be left to the weekends.

Then with some deadlines looming ahead and yet I can’t get down to work because I have to take care of Kenan, I feel really vexed. Making it worse is the forgetful helper who keeps repeating the same mistakes. She not only drives me up the wall, at the rate it's going, I think I can scale Mount Everest already.

I yearn for the time not so long ago when life was much simpler and there were fewer responsibilities. I miss being able to fully devote my time and attention to my work (I really love what I do for a living); I miss having my own study room that is now taken over by my mom and helper; I miss going out on dates with my hubby and going for short getaways on a whim; I miss shopping for clothes and shoes instead of baby stuff. The list can go on and on. Basically, I just miss the freedom I had before I was a mommy. It makes me feel really down.

No doubt Kenan has brought me lots of joy and allow me to experience womanhood more fully. But it comes at a huge sacrifice, and something that I realise I wasn’t truly prepared for and something I’m struggling with ever so often.

I just hope that with some sleep, I will feel better. God help me.