Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's a Boy and I Love Him

Kenan turns five months old today. He has been such a sweet and relatively easy baby to take care of that I should feel nothing but thankfulness for this bundle of blessings.

But truth be told, God knows just how upset I had been about a year ago when I first found out that I was pregnant with a baby boy.

I remember that day in my gynae's office. It was a Saturday morning, all the weeks of waiting would soon be over as we were about to find out the sex of the baby I was carrying. I had been praying all the time for a girl, I didn't want to think that it would be otherwise. I even had a vision of a little girl running towards me calling me mommy.

Yet God had other plans. When the gynae did the scan and pointed out the baby's sex organ on the monitor screen, my heart sank. It's going to be a boy, there's no mistake about it. I was utterly disappointed and felt really sad.

After that, I cried all the way home and no words from my husband could comfort me.

I felt like all my dreams were dashed. I had wanted a baby girl, I wanted to be able to doll her up pretty and play girlie toys and games with her; when she's older, we could chat about fashion, makeup and boys, and we'll go shopping together. But I can't do all these with a boy. Moreover, what do I know about boys' games? How do I play rough and tumble with a son? Plus boy clothes are so limited and boring - step into any kids' clothes store and you'll find that boy clothes at best occupy a third of the shop space and the rest are taken up by girls' clothes! I also think that girls will always be closer to their parents compared to boys, so I prefer to have daughters.

But when Kenan arrived, he slowly changed how I felt about having a son, or not having a daughter for that matter. He melts my heart with his generous sweet smiles and angelic look when he's sleeping. He is also a relatively easy baby to take care of - he sleeps through the night by about two months old, he is sociable and he doesn't cry much except when he's hungry, bored/lonely or sleepy.

I remember telling a close friend how badly I wanted to have a girl and was sad to have a boy instead. "He's your child, you will definitely grow to love him," she told me in all confidence.

I didn't believe her when she said those words. But she's right! As the days went by and the bond between Kenan and I deepens, I grow to love him more and more. Doesn't matter that he is not the daughter I had wished for. He is my son and he's found a special place in my heart. I do not know why God did not answer my prayer for a daughter but I believe He has a reason for giving us this lovely boy.

So God, thank you for this child that You have brought into my life. I will love him and cherish this gift that You have given. I pray too, that I can be a good mother, worthy of this precious life You've placed in my care. And thank you Kenan, for loving mommy in spite of her shortcomings. You are a blessing and I love you with all my heart.


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