Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Thank God for Down Times

Hi everyone, I'm back!

Amazing that it's already into the second week of 2011! Yet somehow, I can't help feeling as if I'm still stuck in 2010.

In November, after sending the problematic maid packing,  I had to manage the household without a helper. As if God thought it wasn't challenging enough for me, my husband actually got hospitalised. He had gallbladder stones and due to some complications, had to have the whole gallbladder removed. It's supposed to be quite a major operation and he has been recuperating at home for the past two weeks (he didn't have a laparoscopic op like some other patients, that would have been so much easier on him and the recovery period would be much shorter).

So to sum up life for the past few weeks? Just one word - exhausting.

Besides caring for Kenan, my hubby and my mom and doing the house chores, I had to rush out some assignments. I've stopped taking on new projects for the time being, but there were some outstanding jobs I needed to complete. So I worked for a few consecutive days from late night until about 4am in the morning, managing to clock only about three, four hours of sleep each day.

I felt utterly drained.

There were many times I thought I've reached my limit and was about to collapse. But God is good and had sustained me through those times.

Nevertheless, we missed our first family holiday abroad, didn't have any Christmas or New Year celebrations either, and plans for Kenan's birthday party also have to be scraped too as husband doesn't feel he's up to doing any entertaining, even though he is much better now. So we are settling for a cosy celebration on our own - "Just the three of us!" - said the spouse cheerfully (he's trying to make me feel better).

Through all of that, I couldn't help feeling frustrated, upset and sad.

I was frustrated with the lack of help, upset that I have to sacrifice my work, and sad that we didn't get to go on our holiday and Kenan won't be having his birthday party. I feel especially sad about the latter, as after all it's my precious boy's first birthday and I so wanted to have our close friends and relatives share in the joy. I also thought it would be a nice way to mark the end of one year of breastfeeding (it was a painful journey - literally).. haha!

But I'm learning to see the positive side of things.

I thank God that I have my loved ones with me.

I thank God for friends. One even surprised us by bringing us really yummy home-cooked food!

I thank God that I get to work as a freelancer - I can't imagine how I could have managed if I was holding a full-time job, either my boss would have asked me to resign or I'll be forced by circumstances to quit anyway.

I thank God that my husband has learnt to appreciate good health and promised to eat more healthily from now on.

Above all, I thank God for the one big lesson in sacrifice.

If you've read my earlier posts, you'd know that I really love and enjoy my work. But since Kenan came along, I've started to push work further down my priority list.

I know in my head that that's what love is - to put the needs of our loved ones before our own. Yet the doing can be tough, especially where work is concerned. There were many times when I begrudged the opportunities I had to give up because I'm now a mommy. But I know I need to work out a good balance between family and career and God has given me this opportunity to look at it now.

So yes, as tough as this period might, easily one of the most trying times of my life to date, I would like to look at the circumstances in a positive light and give thanks regardless of the situation.

And as Albert Camus said, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger."


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